Censoring the Internet

Filtering the Internet is like catching flies with tweezers.

I heard some 'expert' on the radio today talking about Internet censorship, I forget his name.  he said that 'Television and Radio are Censored, so it is only natural that the Internet would be censored as well'.  This is based on the impression that the internet is a service much like radio or television.  
The truth is that the benefit and the propularity of the Internet is because it is not a service like television or radio.  It is more closely related to the telephone, but with a greater flexibility in the media that can be transferred.   It is two way communication, and should be perhaps treated as such.  There are a range of privacy laws designed to protect the individual while using the telephone.  The telephone service is not censored in anyway.  Why is the Internet suddenly beign treated like something other than what it is ?  Did the presence of the screen confuse the 'experts'.  To give these people a voice is like trusting the opinion of the white coat wearing extras from the ponds institute. 

There are many ways that these kinds of filters can be avoided, in fact the people who this system is designed to inhibit are the ones who best understand how to avoid that service.  Does the government honestly think that these people simply go to w3.childpron.com and download from there? Do they just join the "I'm a fan of altar boys" group on facebook ? 

Why on earth do they employ those computer forensic experts to track down the"child porn rings" of criminals?

The truth is that the Internet is flexible enough to allow constantly evolving systems for the transfer of information that is not filterable.  The many, many methods of obfuscation that the apparent target group can use to avoid detection make the implementation of a single point of filtration impractical.

Don't be fooled, running the Internet through a filter is only good for one thing.  Allowing the tracking of use by common users.  They want a more effective way of keeping track of what you do.

With tweezers you can only catch the flys that aren't expecting to be caught.

Real vs Fake

The value of your house is intrinsic, It provides the basic need for shelter.  Having a house prevents the worry of dying in the weather, it shouldn't create the worry over the value of that house to other people.

The social value of the Internet

On the Internet context is searchable, hence  culture needn't be popular to be widely ridiculed.

double entendre

시간 (時間) shigan

• 【시간의 길이】 an hour; 【시각】 time
  
  1. 개시 시간 opening time
     정확한 시간 correct [right] time
     예배 시간 church time
     배당 시간 time assigned
     영어 시간 an English lesson
     마감 시간 deadline
     취침 시간 bedtime
     규정 시간 regular [prescribed] hours
     집무 시간 office hours
     

시간 (屍姦) shigan

• necrophilia

Behaviour and alcohol

The other night I enjoyed a glass (two, for those concerned with factuality) of Tequila and happily worked on some composition and sang along to the radio. I do (from time to time) sing along to the radio, but the spontaneity got me to wondering if there is a direct effect on culture based on the type of alcohol developed.

Does Tequila make you sing to guitars?
Does Whisky make you sit in lounge chairs and tell jokes?
Does good Rum make you dance ?
Does bad Rum make you fight?
Does Gin make you feel holier than thou?
Does Beer make you sit on your ass and talk out of it ?
Does rice liqour (soju, sake) make you sing on a mic. in front of your mates?
Does red Wine make you want to cook food and wave your hands about while you talk?
Does Vodka make you want to shag for warmth?
Does Brandy make you complain?

Comments please.  Have you experienced or noticed any pronounced effects from specific alchohol types?

Nonchalant - Appearing Calm or relaxed; not displaying interest, anxiety or enthusiasm

Nonchalant.

“Must appear nonchalant”, he reminded himself letting the spider's leg of a cigarette drape from his lip. The recently exhaled plume of nicotine laced smoke hung in the air framing him against the light of the convenience store. He shrugged off the cold of the night, insulated from the damp by a protective coating of alcohol. It is a well known fact that the liberal application of alcohol to ones internal organs provides a shield against the elements. He rocked a little unsteadily on his heal.

Nonchalantly.

Adjusting the weight to the other food he dragged the warm air from his lip mounted heater and surveyed the scene. The night was gently lit by the reflection of neon and headlamps, the clouds themselves denying the night its darkness. An older women in younger clothes tried hard to make the miniskirt seem something other than wanton advertising as she searched for her undersized phone in her oversized handbag. A group of 20-somethings laughed at the remains of an awkward end to a night sprayed on the pavement. Probably on their way to repeat the event he mused to himself as once again let the burning toothpick hang.

Nonchalantly.

A herd passes. Flowing from the subway mouth nearby, the procession of downwards looking, inwards thinking triathletes rarely meeting his unconcerned gaze. “The daily triathlon” his public speaking persona announced from the lectern in his mind. “An athletic contest consisting of three events, typically walking, strap hanging and -ator (of the travel, escal, and elev varieties)”. The second leg of his personal marathon awaited him, the significance of this dulled by the activities in the bar he exited recently.

Nonchalantly.

For a moment he thought of home, a warm floor, the warm embrace of his children, the song of his wife's tale of the day. He steeled himself against the desire to blend into the crowd ambling toward the metro's step. He was working for them now, improving his standing in the eyes of his peers. The late night conversations are where promotions are made. The confidence gained by applauding your boss's drunken moaning behind a microphone at 2a.m translates into more income, eventually he let the disdain for his own forced lifestyle escape in a slow sigh that knocked the remains of his cigarette to the ground. He let it burn for a few moments, then clumsily stubbed it out with his toe.

Nonchalantly.

His partners in this drunken competition for favour stumbled out of the shop. His boss raised a small bottle to his lips, drinking the bitter concoction he now required to maintain his reputation in front of his younger employees. A weary hand tossing the empty container into the trash, the weakness disappearing once more as his assumed the salient position among the posse. They jostled over to where he waited for them, his hands now out of pockets. He had planned the next venue, and readied himself to be the guide and “pseudohost” for the next round.

As I past him our eyes met for a moment, his story told in the few moments as I strode from the underground. A picture tells a thousand words, but his posture told millions. I walked on,

Nonchalantly.

Einstein milk, secreted from milk cows.

I think that it is Einstein milk makes it even more amusing.

Beware the chocolate secreted from 'Chocolate' cows.

Along with valentines day, parents day, teachers day and white day Koreans also flock to the stores to buy chocolate for Pepero day. Pepero is a stick like biscuit which looks a bit like the the date 11/11. Very, very commercial and tacky but the Koreans embrace it with vigour.

Korean Wedding hall

A modern Korean wedding is an interesting affair, offering both occidental and traditional korean elements in a manner that is truly Korean.

The morning finds the bride and groom being prepared in the the comfort of a specialist wedding preparation centre, where trained professionals ensure that the dress and make up are perfect. They wait together in a small room with a large table, filled with photos of other wedding couples.

Once ready, The bride and groom take a car (their car) to the wedding centre, accompanied by a seamstress from the wedding centre.

The giant multi-level wedding centre (The Beautiful convention wedding) contains many function rooms and hosts four weddings concurrently, and would probably perform at least 30 weddings each Saturday. This day, as it is considered a good day for a wedding so so busy at the centre that the Police and traffic controllers attend the entry, allowing more U-turns and manoeuvres so that the constant flow of traffic in and out of the “B.C.W” is as unimpeded as is possible. Parking is in a multilevel garage at the front of the building, that has all the glamour of a shopping centre car-park.

Once inside the bride waits in a specific bride waiting room, designed specifically to provide some good photo opportunities, and a plasma screen with a live feed from the wedding room so that the bride can see how the wedding prior to hers is progressing. Family and friends pop into the room to see the bride, and have their photo taken with her. She sits on a small tiled stage, under a chandelier and insulated from her friends by a few metres of beige, hard wearing carpet.

Soon enough, the wedding hall is vacated cleaned and prepared allowing the bride and groom's guests to file in. The more guests that are able to attend, the better. It is customary to provide a wedding gift in the form of cash in an envelope, or a money transfer. The amount is defined by the relation to those to be wed, or the societal position of the donor. The more guests that you have at the wedding, the greater the cash inflow. Apparently if enough of the right kind of people come to the ceremony it is possible to cover the cost of the event.
The hall, now containing the family, friends, acquaintances and even employees of family is ready for the wedding to commence. What follows is a mixture of Korean cultural necessity and western wedding practice mixed into an hour long service that could have been orchestrated by MTV. In fact the whole thing is recorded on film by a camera person who shows little regard for the majesty of the proceedings, or the sight lines of the audience. The proceedings include elements of different wedding traditions and reception happenings all bundled together. The high paced ceremony takes on a quality not unlike a cinematic montage, complete with soundtrack and disco lights. The wedding elements include the wedding party walking under crossed swords, the lighting of candles by the mothers of those to be wed, the cutting of the cake, pouring a glass of wine down a pyramid of champagne glasses while a smoke machines provides 30 seconds of 'atmosphere'. Flashing flights and robotic spotlights play out a predesigned show while the participants try to stay in step. A Korean flavour is added as the young couple bow ceremoniously to both sets of parents before proceeding to the priest. The priest accepts no modifications to his presentation, as this would probably affect his timing. A few psalms, with the aforementioned holy representative's dulcet tones rendered in Hi-Fi surround sound. The scene is lit in an ever changing spectrum of colour, making taking photos a difficult and frustrating affair. No exchange of rings, no first married kiss to be witnessed by all and the show is over. Guests scramble to exit as the professional photographer appears to take the group photos, only to find that a large part of those who would be the group have already left. Four massive ceiling mounted flash bulbs (wirelessly connected to the camera) mercilessly blind all involved. The final shot (apart from those you would expect) is of the bouquet being thrown to a friend. To ensure that this is captured accurately on film (i.e. chip) the process is repeated three times. One person to throw, and one to catch. No mad scramble, no torn bridesmaid dress … to be fair there weren't any bridesmaids or groomsmen at all. This is not a western wedding, this is a composite of the visual elements seen in western weddings that appeal to the Korean youth. Following this, there is a short traditional ceremony that is far more elegant than everything leading up to this moment, as gifts of food and tea are presented to the groom's family, with all participants dressed in traditional clothing (hanbok), flowing affairs of silk and gold thread. After the parents leave, the newlyweds exchange fruits and drink and finally a kiss. The groom proves his strength but carrying the bride around the room on his back a few times and then it is all done.

The guests go up to the fourth level to enjoy a buffet lunch, along with the guests of every other wedding that is taking place at or around that time. The day is finished and all are free to go home.

The wedding then has to be registered at a government office. There is no other manner of having an official marriage, the ceremony is all show.

What I think about when teaching abc's

Have you ever wondered if the onset of the end was brought about by the mass adoption of "modern" religion?
I had the thought that previous incarnations of human civilization had been paying their respects to the elements or animals in some form or another, making the extinction of a possible diety religious treason. But in the modern expression of religion, the object of worship is an expression of consciousness. A being, that is able to be in all places at once, but leaves us with the idea that we are of its image. We assume of course that this makes it somehow humanistic. Which leaves us preserving ourselves and the poor cow gets the chop.
This prioritization of our own species has lead to the reckless manner in which we improve our standard of living at the detriment of all other things including the water we drink, the air we breathe, the soil we tread and the food we eat. All of this to an extent that 8,000 years of civilization has never (to our knowledge) done previously. Perhaps the practical realization of the apocalypse well be induced by the fear of it.
The anticipation of another environment in the afterlife has to catalyze the disregard for the current to some extent.
One wonders if the example of the golden cow was to dissuade us from prioritizing a single element over all elements, the holy spirit being all things in existence.
Perhaps the line about man being created in the image of god was referring to our level of responsibility for our world, or was added in to make it easier to illustrate the children's editions.
Or it all could just be a coincidence. Nevertheless, I now have one more way to make myself less popular at dinner parties.

The Interent is us.

Never are you needed more
than when searches yield

four-oh-four

Hours

I found an hour this morning.

I was rather tiredly readying myself for work and there it was, hidden in the space between the 1 and 0 of ten ante meridiam. I spent 60 minutes pondering the importance of this discovery, and realised that there was suddenly, little significance due to my abdicting contemplation.

Not regular, not irregular either

I know that I have been somewhat less than consistant with updating this page.

That really just adds to the mystery doesn't it though ....


Everything is going fine apart from the weather. It never fails to amaze me, the variety of things that young childred get up to. THey are everything that they will be, from sweet to dangerous. I had theoriezed that adults are young children with more shutters and masks to hide their intentions. After spending so much time with children I still maintain that point of view.

We are who we are. Few of us change in a fundamental way.

I still want to sit in the sun on a cold day, read comics and play with pens.

Technology

I read today that there is an experiment being conducted on reading the keystrokes of wired (plugged in keyboards) from  a distance.  This even appears to work through walls.   It makes me wonder if the intelligent people of today are subconsciously working toward making the things that they saw on t.v. in the 80s and 90s a reality. 

I expect to see a plethora of Macgyver inspired gadgets on the market soon. 

Happy Chusok

I feel like I have done this blog somewhat of a disservice.   I hope you all enjoyed the break.  I am now at the stage where I am enjoying where I am and am provided with a giggle every second day because of the slightly odd and very random nature of this place. 

In early August I went to Washington for a week to visit Sumin.  Washington seems like more of a normal city and is refreshingly full of free museums.  Most of them are due to a large amount of money left to the United states by an English Scientist.  He had never been to America but was placing his hope in the new world as a seat of learning and enlightenment.  I enjoyed nice weather and buying pants that fit. Oh ... and I had a bath ! for first time since I left Australia.  ( I have been having very regular showers, but they aren't the same).  I passed through Beijing during the Olympics and even wished the Aussie football team luck.  I was a little upset to see that some fool had the Australian team dressed in convict outfits. 

A new giant shopping centre is nearing completion just near my house and some parts are already open.  This should make the winter a little more bearable as I will have something to do just a few minutes freeze from my house.   The thing has a cinema giant shopping areas and even a driving range.

This weekend is the harvest moon festival called chusok.  It is a time to be thankful of the food that was harvested and to enjoy some good food before it all gets preserved for winter.  Well that is how I see it anyway.  It is a nice holiday and somehow seems more real to me than Easter does.   There is a sharing of food and small gifts among family and everyone gets together to eat.  It is based on the realities of the country, that a good climate for crops rapidly changes into a bitter cold that everyone weathers.

 

Anyway I am off to enjoy a beer and watch old planet of the apes movies on tv.  I can't watch them anymore without the songs from the Simpsons, planet of the apes musical ringing in my ears .... "O my god I was wrong, It was earth all along ...."

Happy Chusok,  have a looksie at the photos.

Remember

The future will access the past from the digital records we leave. 

 

Does the Internet reflect us accurately? 

 

Perhaps a little too well.

The space between the trees is the forest.

There is space within, without and all around us,  The discovery of zero was considered important.  Maybe that concept should be extended.

The more I look at different forms that are considered an art, where mastery is possible, the more I seem to see important spaces. 

The time between the drum beats is what creates the feel of the rhythm, my favourite beats have complicated spaces.  The space(tic-tic-space-tic) in salsa is what give the hips their sway, gives time to feel the music. 

The foo-fighters have great spaces in their music, Dave Grohl commented once that the experience as a drummer in his previous band gave him a greater appreciation for the silence between the beats.

One of the hardest lessons in martial arts is learning how to manage the time before contact with the opponent.  Many talk of this as bridging the gap, giving a feeling of constructing a passage over this space.  The great fighters I have seen do no such thing, they own the space.  Controlling and being comfortable in this space gives the clarity of mind and the speed of body to enact and react to changes in the space. 

Learning at what point to stop when creating an artwork is also a form of mastery.  The point where an artist can leave a space that is accurately filled in by the viewer requires a massive understanding not only of form and perception but of how people receive the media of the art.  The spaces between the lines of Picasso's work on glass are a great example. 

A great view is generally defined by the sense of space that it gives. An ocean view is essentially a view of the space between the water and the atmosphere.  The water in turn is another form of space between landmasses. 

Why is this suddenly so important to me?  My procrastinated learning of Korean  revealed to me that the word for ball (공) also can be used to refer to void, or air (also an artist or prince).   I feel this is a carry over from Chinese where each word had multiple tonal variations reflecting different meanings which are understood by context in Korean.  The feel it gives though is that the word for the ball refers more to the spherical space inside the ball rather than it's outer surface. 

It is the antithesis to western traditional thinking of an object as its physical presence.  Thinking of the space that makes the object gives a different feel of what the object is.  For example if you bust a beach ball, does the space of the ball still exist?  is the void within the ball still formed as it was when encased in a plastic sleeve?  What other spaces exist that make our world what it is ?  Does the space between people make a crowd? Is it the space between buildings that makes a city ?  Is it the space between people that makes a relationship ? Is it the space within us that makes us?

I feel understanding the space helps the understanding of objects in it.  Physics is an attempt to understand how things react in space.  Chaos theory is based on understanding that there is a space but not knowing how it works.  Fung shui is trying to shape the space to positively affect the objects within it.

Maybe we should dedicate a little more time to appreciate space, in all of its forms.

10 Things you all ways wanted to know but were afraid to ask

1. Yes there are midgets.
2. Kim Chi is served with most meals, but not all.
3. Not all Korean people like spicy food.
4. They can't tell us apart either.
5. Koreans only lift the cutlery (Chinese lift the rice, Japanese the soup)
6. A Korean restaurant is called a Korean Traditional Restaurant in Korea
7. They do have dogs as pets, it's the first place in the world I have seen dogs with shoes.
8. There are not people to push you into the trains in Korea, the commuters do it themselves.
9. The whole country doesn't smell like Kim Chi.
10. Yes they drive Hyundai cars here (and Samsung cars oddly enough)

Today

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
I am old enough to be an uncle,
Happy birthday to me.

Presents, a big dinner, Schooner of Guinness and cake. A complete birthday celebration.

If you like honey chicken ...

In case you thought me prone to hyperbole. I can hardly believe it myself.

Are you having fun?

After a recent spot of feedback fishing ( I have to go fishing for it, you b아stards are a bit reluctant to just send it to me) I got the comment, “yes, but are you having a nice time?”.

I had to have a good think about that question. I have come to the conclusion that yes, I really am having a good time. There have been the occasional stressful event, and there are some things around me that I don't understand as well as the odd thing I don't like. All in all though I have been laughing a lot and really enjoying the quirkiness of the culture here in Seoul.

I love the fact that on my way to work I walk past:

• tray back trucks selling fish they have just driven in from the seaside,

• a few little men playing chinese chess on a handmade wooden bench, in the street,

• other men watching those men while drinking vending machine coffee in a can,

• the whole chess gang, still there in the afternoon,

• little old ladies sorting vegetables in the road,

• 6 little convenience stores all selling the same things,

• a tank of nervous looking baby octopii,

• a lady selling nonstick pans on the footpath, directly across from,

• another woman selling underwear in the street (including coupling panty, matching sets for couples),

• miniature arcade games for young children to play(the machines are 50cm tall),

• a toast shop, they sell snacks,

• two hairdressers,

• a school,

• a supermarket,

• a pharmacist (who was genuinely surprised that he had ibuprofen when I asked for it and curious as to what is was for),

• two shops that sell brushes and things,

• a store where the lady seems to be asleep half of the time, and

• a large number of bars, restaurants and nori-bang (karaoke rooms).

That is all just in the 3 minute walk to the end of my street.

I am digging the food too. Almost too much.

Korean food is so much more than Kim-chi.

Reality vs. Childhood concepts

I watched the original episodes of the animated transformers series the other day and I came away with a rather different appreciation of the whole situation.  As a child the Autobots were always considered the moral compass and would do the right thing in all circumstances often risking their life to protect the earth and its inhabitants.  After watching it again with a modern perspective it is a little less clear.   Here is what happened as seen through my matured eyes. The Autobots are a rebel group trying to assert the will of the people over a militia government that came into power via a coup.  In the course of the fighting the planets resources are severely drained by both sides and in a last ditch effort to win the war the Autobots set off to earth to regroup and attain the resources they require to bring down the government.  This is also a violent coup that the Autobots are attempting so I am a little unsure as to who is better or worse, but i do know that the war is the man reason for the problems the planet faces.  The Decepticon Government decides to handle the pursuit of the fleeing rebels personally sending the General and some top personal, but due to an accident they all crash and get stuck for a few thousand years in an non-operational state.  The ship they all went in is ruined and they are effectively stranded until a stroke of luck wakes them all and they repair themselves. 

During their absence the Decepticon Administrative body keeps the planet running for a few thousand years on minimal energy resources, suggesting that there is some real governing talent in the Decepticon ranks.

 

The first thing the Decepticon General does on reactivation is build a ship to go back home and take a small amount of energy with him.  The ship is built out of scavenged parts and some stolen power, causing momentary blackouts in small parts of the U.S while the energy is collected.  The real damage however starts when the Autobots decide to continue the war and the power stations become collateral damage in the conflict.  The Autobots destroy the Decepticon ship leaving them stranded on earth and effectively backing them into a corner.  Even when the decepticons decided to develop a space bridge to leave the planet they are still continuously attacked by the autobots until the General, Megatron finally decides that they won't get anywhere like this and decides to fight the Autobots more directly.   The resulting battle has a terrible impact on the earth and its inhabitants as the huge machines and their high powered weaponry destroy many important sites leaving homes without power and causing much hardship.  I can't help but thinking that letting the decepticons bugger off with the energy that they nicked from a Hydropower station (i.e. renewable energy) might have been a far better option.  Even if a deal was struck allowing them their own personal power generation equipment from a renewable resource that could be transported to Cybertron and revitalised the planed via the space bridge.  The interchange of information would have advanced the human race as the conquest for space could have reduced the wars over the finite land of earth.

Rather than helping the earth, I can't help but think the autobots robbed it of a golden opportunity through their single mindedness to further their own war effort.  I look at Zimbabwe and understand why they were so intent, but after a few thousand years cooling off their could have been a different strategy. 

Whether they were the better robots or not, I can't help but think that their moral standing has been some what eroded.

I guess round table peace talks mediated by the the Earth UN wouldn't have sold as many toys. 

Paper Prime

When presented with the potential dificulties inherent in saving the world from the evil forces of the decepticons as a 15 cm tall paper creature held together with glue stick and dental floss Optimus Prime was disappointed, in denial before becoming morose and slipping into a deep depression.

3 heads, 6 Wheels and a Solar panel.

It seems that my whole family is affected by a rare but inspirational form of madness. It makes people push themselves to the extreme to prove that they can, and hopefully benefit those around them in some way. My Uncle Steve, Cousin Jon and Nick are riding some 4500 km in 10 weeks to raise awareness (money) for children in developing countries. A well worth cause, and I suggest you have a look at their site just to have a look at what they are doing, even if you just look at the pictures. It is good that a few people can get up of the couch and decide to do something by themselves to help people that they don't know, but who need their help. I will try and work out how to explain to my kids what they are doing. I doubt they will understand the scale of it, I will have to explain as 'x' number of times around Korea. We might put a map up and keep track of their progress.

Brisbane to Broome Charity ride

2am fruits

Looking out my window as I open the windows air-lock system, I notice that the street fruit stall is open.  The little old lady who runs the stall as well as helping at the restaurant across the street, that (I think) her daughter runs.   This little lady sits there all afternoon and all night selling fruit if people want it ... actually just on the off chance that someone wants fruit and is closer to her than the numerous supermarkets, mini-markets and 24 hour shops in the same street.  She strikes me as someone willing  to do 50% more work to gain 20% more income because to her, the work is immaterial.  I feel a little guilty being, and looking at the things that people like her have given my generation.  I hope when she goes to bed at night, makes that little "finally I am in bed" gasp that seems to get longer and more heartfelt with age, she feels proud of what she has done.

 

n.b.  The shirt in my street actually says "suck honey cock",  I can't imagine how that is a mistake.

I'll have an "L" for Labbit Please

Lets think for a moment about the words 'fat' and 'father'.  Apart from the amusing inference that there you cant have father without fat, there is also a difference between the sound of the 'fa' in father and the 'fa' in fat.   Imagine that the to make it clearer we decided to make two letters, an 'a' for fat and an 'á' for fáther.  Suddenly things get a lot more complicáted and you have to listen to that vowel á lot more cárefully.  Maybe you will not notice the subtle changes in the letter, and not be able to spell the words with the new letter.

This is how the Korean kids feel learning English.  They have never had to differentiate between tongue half way up (r) and tongue all the way up (L) so they can't even hear the difference let alone reproduce it.   That's why when I was asking for words that start with 'L' they cried passionately "Lion" ,"Lamp" and "Labbit"!.

 

Korean fashion is a mixed thing with some interesting and even innovative styles in some stores and some half assed attempts in others.  The quarter assed attempts are the best though like the nice disco t-shirt for women in stylish white fitted sides and a low cut collar and the words "HONEY COCK" in bold gold lettering on the front.  I have never seen a shirt that screams 'ladyboy' quite like it.  There is also the pink babygirl t with "I'm with my girlfriend"  on the front which is nice but I don't think they will sell too many in conservative Korea.  I can't get all high and mighty about English though because a trip to the American supermarket soon has me laughing with the same kind of accidental innuendo, although a little less brazen.  For example,  if you are after pet food you can go past a pack of Tuffy's Moist burger, found next to the bone-a-mints.

Korea now gets tim-tams.   It is nice to be in a country where you can get stuff from home, for example you can go to Outback steakhouse and get a fourex and a steak or maybe a Jug of Draft fosters.  Costs 3 times more than eating Korean food but it is nice for a treat. 

30 minutes of Korean TV

This is a representation a good deal of the last 4 months.

Gots' to be well fit for Korea

A morning start and I travel to a station on the metro I have never heard of before.

Why? Is that the kind of thing I normally do?

This morning was the day of my required Health check, a condition of the work visa for Korea. By health check I of course mean drug and infectious disease check, as the government is mainly concerned about keeping dirty, drug addicted foreigners out and the other alien residents nervous.

I meet up with a boss from work, who goes by the assumed title of Chris and an English fellow by the name of John. John is the new teacher for a school quite close to mine, which is conveniently located in the same block as a famous meat market, dozens of great pork and beef bbq restaurants known for the prime cuts of fresh meat, which they sell at affordable prices to which people travel from all over Seoul.

John is a vegetarian.

The first step is to fill out forms, paying some cash and slipping into something less comfortable. Why the colour of washed out vomit green was selected for patient robes probably has more to do with ease of cleaning, than that of style. I am unable to track down both of the cloth ties required to hold the robe closed, as I am wearing underwear I decide that I should choose my battles and leave the robe to do its thing. I wander back out into the main area where Chris begins to laugh on sight of myself and Vege-John. A young nurse gives us our cups and tubes in which to pee and smiles politely as she ties my smeared snot green ensemble more modestly closed.

I smile politely back and ask if there is a water cooler, as I don’t feel particularly primed to fill a thimble let alone a cup and two tubes. It’s out past reception in the hall.

“Fair ‘nuff”, I remark and toddle out in my now PG rated Kermit’s corpse green robe, Gold and Beige business socks, and mis-matched hospital issue sandal things. My half chest of hair blowing slightly in the conditioned air I made my way out into the populated space to whet my whistle.

For some reason someone is Korea decided that origami paper cups, and by cup I mean a half envelope that is the size of two postage stamps would be sufficient for drinking out of. After six or so of these, I get bored and frustrated and head out to tackle the task at hand. I fill my cup with surprisingly little delay (two cups of breakfast coffee probably helped), and carry the disturbingly warm containers out to where the polite nurse is waiting … erm … politely.

Vege John is already there and places his containers into the container receiving device, a transparent plastic box with little round compartments that you drop the cups down into. V.J. for some reason decides that his first choice of cup hole was a bad one and attempts to lift the cup out and place it in the adjacent space.

Catastrophe, the cup lid is unable to support the weight of the tepid urine and the cup falls flooding the visible plastic compartment with warm yellow liquid. He dives in bravely fingers fumbling with the confined space and now slippery half-empty cup managing to get the cup out with a respectable amount of pee still in it and an unrespectable amount of it now all of his hands and forearms. I in a supportive act of solidarity stand back and laugh my ass off. Had I not been holding all the urine I had in a cup and two tubes, I may just have wet myself again.

The nurse smiled politely.

Next is the eye sight test which, like ,most eye tests requires the participant to stand a set distance (3m) from a board and read characters of gradually reducing size while covering one eye. “Read this” A less polite nurse commands and I oblige with A 7 8 … erm … looks like a 5/S ? … My Korean is not that good and I am sure the last line was only Korean characters and I have no idea what ㄹ is called. I read the other side of the board with the other eye and decide to call ㄱ a 7 . It’s close enough, most of the people here have glasses anyway.

A quick chest X-ray and then I get hooked up to what looks like the last communist made Electrocardiograph to make it out of Russia before the iron curtain lifted. It was beige and rusting. Four electrodes were attached to my chest by nastily strong suction cups (I still have hickeys) and wet electrodes clipped around my wrists and ankles. So there I am with a rusty machine that predates any form of electrical safety standard hooked up to my heart and limbs and the little nurse looks at me smiles and says in a sweet little voice “Relax”.

I had to laugh.

The usual respiratory exam and then a little pinch and tickle from a 40 year old female G.P. and I am on my way again.

Another fun day.

Kids names

Small Children are a joy.

They lack the
filters that make older people such a trial. A tired chils will look tired, an excited child will look excited etc. no lies, no pretending, there is just no reason to.

A note about Korean english education. Children are encouraged to select an English name to save them the problems that occur when speakers of a non phonetic language like english have a crack at a new word and so that yoeun min and youn min aren't confused. Korean names are straight forwards names like "Gift of Jewels" are common and sound quite nice ;) , but the name system in english is a little harder to master.
For any koreans that stumble across this page, the following are not great english names for yur kids.

Vanilla,
Cherry,
The foods are good, the names are not.

Mery, Although a merry child, Mary would suit better.

Evil. Maybe but not good to point it out.

Dio. just not cool

Beryl. Not a good boys name.

Nicole, Also not a good boys name.

Bin, good in korean, not good in english.

When it comes to it, lord knows how they manage with the examples that exist in the media such as moonunit zappa or the US swimmer Misty Hymen.

Its a funny world

A started a windows program today.

A little box came up and told me that the beta version had expired and I was to download the full version.

I started wondering if life would do that one day. I would be walking down a street one day and a little box ould appear telling me that me existance to this point had been a trial version, and I had to upgrade to a less buggy version of life.

I am happy that life is a beta version.

... Where did I put that two months ....

Well, I have been more than a bit slack. No one will be accusing me of an overly active blog.
"So what has happened since christmas ?", I don´t hear you ask. Well not a whole heap.

I haven't started working yet. The process of actually working in another country is one fraught with struggle as the whole world is consumed by the fear that their country will be overrun by the evils that exist beyond its shores. Modern policy making everywhere is dominated by kneejerk reactions to media hyperbole. The result is superfluous process that complicates the lives of those who play by the rules without seriously hindering those for whom it was it intended. That is to say, those that will falsify documents only have to falsify more documents which is not such a jump.
In my case, I will be working within seoul, and not south of the city as I was going to which is better for me. The Job I will be working starts with the school year in March meaning that I have to conform to new immigration regulations having not completed the process before the change date. The changes involve proving beyond a doubt that I am not a criminal, don't take drugs and have the qualifications that I said I have. A process of triple checking is involved, merely producing original sealed copies of the documentation is not sufficient. I understand why, as there have been some cases of imported english teachers committing drug offenses recently.. It is still a pain in the as though as realistically I could have been running drugs for the last year and it would have not shown through the QLD only criminal check I had to produce.

All that aside, the last two months have been spent playing guitar at home, trying to improve my finger-style playing (Tommy emmanuel is a good example of this playing method).

Some thoughts of note.
Transit culture is something that is very important. Every form of public transportation differs in use a little between peoples. For example it is acceptable for people to push into trains and compact the people within the train if there is a lot of people that need to board. In Oz this would not be tolerated.
There are subtleties as well though, such as the timing of pressing the call button on the bus. In brisbane the custom is to press the button as soon as possible without appearing too eager, so as to give the Bus driver the maximum amount of warning without having the call button lit for the entire trip. Here it seems that a distance of 100 - 200 mtrs before the stop is acceptable, and you have to wait until the station has been called but the recorded announcement and that the bus is in the same block. All fair enough.
In Colombia you have to fight to the door and press the button exactly when you want to (literally) jump of the bus, there is no predefined stop that anyone pays attention too.
In Brisbane payment is to the bus driver by placing coins on the little unmarked table, and receiving your change from the driver when you board (if you have no ticket). Here payment is made by putting notes into a perspex box and the driver pressing a button to dispense change when you board (if you have no smart card). In Colombia the bus doesn't stop so you can board, organize your things then pay. Some buses there have an employee that collects the fee from the passengers once underway.

The buses here are very orderly and apart from the language barrier making it extremely difficult its a great system.

I will try to be a little more diligent in future, as there is a lot of interesting things that go on here, it is just near impossible to explain them.